Monday, March 7, 2011

Skinny Bitches Round 2

Skinny bitches round 2!

Woohoo Back at the gym!! Somehow after a few cups of coffee and sitting all day at the office I am totally amped to go back to the gym. Although I have no idea why, my legs are stiff and sore and my ass muscles or lack of, feels like there being torn every time I take a step. Hell yeah to paying good money for this and killings myself all over!!
After the nightmare of my last workout crawls its way back into existence and terrifies me, I manage to climb on the treadmill anyways, thinking “If these skinny bitches can do it, so can I!! I plug my headphones into my phone, pull up YouTube and search for the best chick music I can think of, Jessica Mauboy “Get Em’ Girls.” As the music pours out my energy levels sores to a high and I’m on a roll!!

12 minutes into my workout my muscles are warm and feeling great!! The tenderness from my last workout seems to be going away and this doesn’t seem as bad as last time. Maybe I was overreacting last time, this is amazing and I have missed the gym!! Turning up my music I kick up the workout a notch as well.

15minutes into my work out I’m out of breath and hating life, and once again cursing all the skinny bitches!! Somehow this is ridiculous torture to put yourself through!! Again the nasty sweat has dewed up making my clothes stick to me in a very uncomfortable and unflattering way! My mind chants, “damn skinny bitches, damn skinny bitches, damn skinny bitches!”

20 minutes into my work my mind continues to chant, “Damn skinny ungrateful bitches, damn skinny ungrateful bitches. . . “A flash of red draws my attention to the right of me, damn skinny ungrateful bitch probably here to show off. Listening to the treadmill next to me hit what seems to be full speed; I ignore it, not wanting to feel any worse than already do. It doesn’t help that all the TV shows, every movie and every internet site is exploiting underweight females and pushes their views of beautiful onto American woman. How are we supposed to feel good about ourselves when our rib cage isn’t on display? Ugh, the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach!! Now this skinny bitch in red has the nerve to come and show me up at the gym?!!

I kick up the incline as well as the speed on the treadmill and go full throttle! This skinny bitch will see what a curvy woman can do! I run with full force, pushing myself and silently cursing myself at the same time, “you dumb moron, just let her win, you know you’re going to regret this.” About that time my side cramps and it hurts to breath. I mentally chant loader hoping it will push me the last 2 minutes of my workout, “damn skinny ungrateful, spoiled, eating disorder causing bitches! “

FINALLY the treadmill goes into cool down mode! Hell yeah miss skinny bitch, that’s right, a fat kid just showed you up, didn’t she!! With my poor sportsmanship attitude leaking through my thoughts to the grin on my face, I turn to see what skinny bitch I had showed up. To my dismay the skinny bitch was still going in full force!! I had lost, how’s that possible!? It takes all of one second for my mind to register that I had lost, but a few more before it dawned on me to stop looking at her treadmill screen and actually look at the skinny bitch that had showed me up, fair and square. I turn bright red in realization that my own personal skinny bitch happened to be a old man, at least in his 80’s wearing bright red overall’s.

P.S Thank you skinny bitches for helping to push me forward, and coo do’s to the old man!! See you next time!

Love,
Crystal

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Skinny Bitches

Alright time to get back in shape!!! Woohoo!! Yeah right!!! After a year of school and work full time, while giving up your gym membership so you can get a full 4 hours of sleep a night, things change!! When I say things change, I mean things change!! If it's not my mentally sexy attitude that is now nonexistent, it's the physical changes too. Seems like my arms have become balloons, my abs, well let's say what abs??? Not to mention my ass!!! Holy wow do I miss the gym!!

So today was my first day back and I was so stocked!!!Jump on the elliptical and I can feel that sexy attitude coming back, that's right baby, Crystal is at the gym again and feeling pretty damn good! That is until 10 minutes into my workout, by then I was mentally cursing all the skinny bitches out there! You know the ones that eat anything they want and look stunning no matter what!!!

20 minutes into my workout my mental cursing got worse, it went from skinny bitch to skinny ungrateful bitch!!! Holy wow I have no idea how I missed this so much! This seems like torture!! Worse yet, I'm paying $44 a month and giving up an hour of my evening to be tortured, how is this fair?

By time 40minutes hit, I could feel the nasty sweat sticking to my body, in places I didn't even know could sweat!! My chest stung with ever gasp of air I breathed in! And once again my mental cursing became even worse, "skinny, ungrateful, spoiled bitch!"

Finally time up and I thought I was going to die!! Now that I can't breathe, I'm nasty sweaty, my makeup is running, (why the hell did I keep my makeup on when I came here?) And my mental cursing is at a peak, "skinny, ungreatful, spoiled, eating disorder causing bitches!!!!!!"

About an hour after my workout, my breathing became normal and didn't burn. I feel so tired and worn out, but despite all that I feel great!!!!

P.S thank you skinny bitches for motivating me throughout my hour!!! Talk to you tomorrow!!

Love,
Crystal!