Mother's Day

Sunday,May 9th 2010

To my grandma, Yvonne.

Grandma I just had a few thoughts I should share with you. First of all I have no idea who I would be without you. You have shaped me into the young women I am today.

You chose to be a mother to me when it was your time to just sit back, relax and enjoy the grand kids! I will never forget you telling the nurse you have 5 children not 4. And that I was your baby! You make me feel so special in everything you do.

I know I haven't always made the best choices, and in those times you would tell me, "Crystal, this is really stupid! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!!" Then you would support me anyways. You never ever tell me that I can't do it or I can't finish something. Its always been soft whispers of encouragement.

I can remember falling down so many times! As a kid we fall and hurt our knees. As we begin to get older our falls aren't always physically hurting. Weather I hurt my hand or got hurt emotionally, you were always there encouraging me to get and try harder next time. Never give up, always push through!

This mothers day your laying in ICU, probably mad at me for calling 911. They keep telling me your being sedated, so you can't hear me. I don't believe them. I'll sit here all night again and tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. This time you have fallen down, and I going to be right here whispering soft words of encouragement.

I'm not going to say I'm not scared, but that is so selfish of me. If god needs you home, your going to feel so much better! Its only selfish to ask you to stay with me. I should be jealous if god asks you. But I'm not, I'm greedy and selfish and not ready.

I feel horrid!! I would rather have you here in pain just so I can see you smile, or comment on Elvises' butt one more time. Your my glue. You may not be strong enough for me to lean against. But you hold me together so I can stand on my own to feet.

I love you sooo much grandma!! You mean everything to me. I am a good, nice young women because of you, and I'm wishing you Happy Mothers Day!! You are the best mother anyone could ever be blessed with! I thank god he gave me you!! I'll see you soon!!

Love, Crystal

A walk down memory lane, not always the easist thing to do...

Monday May 3rd 2010

I'm lying here in my hug bed all alone!! Sometimes we have moments were we stop and think about the things we have done in our lives, or choices we have made. Sometimes thoses choices weren't the right ones, and sometimes they were the best choice we have ever made!

It's not suppose to be easy when we look back on life. Not everything is good. We learn lessons all through life. The important thing is to only learn those lessons once.

I have made many mistakes and I am the first to admit it. I am by no way perfect! I just want to say how thankful I am to have family and friend who are always there for me and support me no matter what!!

Right now my family and friends have helped me so. It still hurts, and most the time my chest aches and burns..... Sometimes I feel like I'm going to fall apart...but my family and friends have been like glue, they help hold me together!! I love you all and will wright again when I get a minute!!