Dear Grandma,
Heaven has taken you so very far away from me
Sooner than expected, but for a reason
A reason only god knows, and understands
If you can see me, rest assured
From the outside you may see me acting out in grief,
But remember Grandma, you have raised a very smart young woman.
The things you see are only my way of processing the sadness I feel
On the inside I am still myself.
I cannot say this experience has not changed me, for it truly has.
I haven't known pain to this depth before. For this experience I will be a stronger woman, once I heel.
I haven't ever fully taken responsibility for my actions and acted as a adult. I always had you as my rock and my net.. To catch me whenever I fell.
I know your shaking your head as you read this and thinking I'm wrong about that
But its time I act as an adult, not saying that I haven't always acted very maturely.
Before you left I took life for granted. I always thought I didn't, but I never realized how suddenly life, whether that be your own or the life of someone very dear to you, could be stolen away from you.
From this experience I now understand how precious life truly is.
Also, before you left me, I never truly knew who my friends were...
I always knew people were my friends.. But not the degree that I have found some relationships to be. Now I have learned what it means to be a true friend and will continue to be that friend through out my life.
Grandma, you have taught me so many things. Without you I would not be, well me.... Everything about you defines who I have become.
I always looked up to you and will continue to. I know I still have a lot of growing to do and I hope as I continue to grow I will take on those traits that I admired in you so much.
You were the most patient person I knew. Don't get me wrong,you could be stubborn. But when it counted the most you were patient.
You believed in me like no one else did. Yes other people believed in me, but not the same way you did. You seen possibilities in me that no one else did. Because of that belief I have made it through school and am as far as I am.
I will continue to feel that belief you had in me, and do my best to push forward and keep challenging myself. I will do what you would want me to do, and be happy and never give up.
You taught me that when god closes one door he always opens another! And I should never dwell on the closed door, but seek the open door.
You also taught me to love with my whole heart! If I don't give my whole heart, how can I fully love with it? Sometimes your heart will get hurt, but you have to remember that your heart will heal and you have to try again. God wants us to seek out love, it is in our nature. So don't be afraid and run from it, but rather embrasse it.
You also always told me to never hid my feelings the way you did. If I felt like crying, than cry. You said it was a way of cleansing your soal....
You have taught me so many lessons in life.I will forever chairsh those lessons and pass them on.
You should know this grandma.You have seen me grow into the young woman I am, and were always so proud of me. Please do not worry about me, you have taught me everything I need to know. I promise I will do my best and make you proud of me in everything I do!
Rest well Grandma, I love you with all my heart!!
Crystal,
June 29th 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Dear Grandma
Dear Grandma,
Heaven has taken you so very far away from me
Sooner than expected, but for a reason
A reason only god knows, and understands
If you can see me, rest assured
From the outside you may see me acting out in grief,
But remember Grandma, you have raised a very smart young woman.
The things you see are only my way of processing the sadness I feel
On the inside I am still myself.
I cannot say this experience has not changed me, for it truly has.
I haven't known pain to this depth before. For this experience I will be a stronger woman, once I heel.
I haven't ever fully taken responsibility for my actions and acted as a adult. I always had you as my rock and my net.. To catch me whenever I fell.
I know your shaking your head as you read this and thinking I'm wrong about that
But its time I act as an adult, not saying that I haven't always acted very maturely.
Before you left I took life for granted. I always thought I didn't, but I never realized how suddenly life, whether that be your own or the life of someone very dear to you, could be stolen away from you.
From this experience I now understand how precious life truly is.
Also, before you left me, I never truly knew who my friends were...
I always knew people were my friends.. But not the degree that I have found some relationships to be. Now I have learned what it means to be a true friend and will continue to be that friend through out my life.
Grandma, you have taught me so many things. Without you I would not be, well me.... Everything about you defines who I have become.
I always looked up to you and will continue to. I know I still have a lot of growing to do and I hope as I continue to grow I will take on those traits that I admired in you so much.
You were the most patient person I knew. Don't get me wrong,you could be stubborn. But when it counted the most you were patient.
You believed in me like no one else did. Yes other people believed in me, but not the same way you did. You seen possibilities in me that no one else did. Because of that belief I have made it through school and am as far as I am.
I will continue to feel that belief you had in me, and do my best to push forward and keep challenging myself. I will do what you would want me to do, and be happy and never give up.
You taught me that when god closes one door he always opens another! And I should never dwell on the closed door, but seek the open door.
You also taught me to love with my whole heart! If I don't give my whole heart, how can I fully love with it? Sometimes your heart will get hurt, but you have to remember that your heart will heal and you have to try again. God wants us to seek out love, it is in our nature. So don't be afraid and run from it, but rather embrasse it.
You also always told me to never hid my feelings the way you did. If I felt like crying, than cry. You said it was a way of cleansing your soal....
You have taught me so many lessons in life.I will forever chairsh those lessons and pass them on.
You should know this grandma.You have seen me grow into the young woman I am, and were always so proud of me. Please do not worry about me, you have taught me everything I need to know. I promise I will do my best and make you proud of me in everything I do!
Rest well Grandma, I love you with all my heart!!
Crystal,
June 29th 2010
Heaven has taken you so very far away from me
Sooner than expected, but for a reason
A reason only god knows, and understands
If you can see me, rest assured
From the outside you may see me acting out in grief,
But remember Grandma, you have raised a very smart young woman.
The things you see are only my way of processing the sadness I feel
On the inside I am still myself.
I cannot say this experience has not changed me, for it truly has.
I haven't known pain to this depth before. For this experience I will be a stronger woman, once I heel.
I haven't ever fully taken responsibility for my actions and acted as a adult. I always had you as my rock and my net.. To catch me whenever I fell.
I know your shaking your head as you read this and thinking I'm wrong about that
But its time I act as an adult, not saying that I haven't always acted very maturely.
Before you left I took life for granted. I always thought I didn't, but I never realized how suddenly life, whether that be your own or the life of someone very dear to you, could be stolen away from you.
From this experience I now understand how precious life truly is.
Also, before you left me, I never truly knew who my friends were...
I always knew people were my friends.. But not the degree that I have found some relationships to be. Now I have learned what it means to be a true friend and will continue to be that friend through out my life.
Grandma, you have taught me so many things. Without you I would not be, well me.... Everything about you defines who I have become.
I always looked up to you and will continue to. I know I still have a lot of growing to do and I hope as I continue to grow I will take on those traits that I admired in you so much.
You were the most patient person I knew. Don't get me wrong,you could be stubborn. But when it counted the most you were patient.
You believed in me like no one else did. Yes other people believed in me, but not the same way you did. You seen possibilities in me that no one else did. Because of that belief I have made it through school and am as far as I am.
I will continue to feel that belief you had in me, and do my best to push forward and keep challenging myself. I will do what you would want me to do, and be happy and never give up.
You taught me that when god closes one door he always opens another! And I should never dwell on the closed door, but seek the open door.
You also taught me to love with my whole heart! If I don't give my whole heart, how can I fully love with it? Sometimes your heart will get hurt, but you have to remember that your heart will heal and you have to try again. God wants us to seek out love, it is in our nature. So don't be afraid and run from it, but rather embrasse it.
You also always told me to never hid my feelings the way you did. If I felt like crying, than cry. You said it was a way of cleansing your soal....
You have taught me so many lessons in life.I will forever chairsh those lessons and pass them on.
You should know this grandma.You have seen me grow into the young woman I am, and were always so proud of me. Please do not worry about me, you have taught me everything I need to know. I promise I will do my best and make you proud of me in everything I do!
Rest well Grandma, I love you with all my heart!!
Crystal,
June 29th 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Life and Love
Life and love? Or Love and life?
Which ever it goes, you cannot have one without the other.
Life may feel like its always hovering near the end
But love always surfaces through the agony of life.
There's many different types of love
You have the slow building boil of love, that love tends to take us by surprise and move us deeply to the core
There is always the electrical charge that spread fire fast and feverishly through out us. This love is acute and undeniable
Then there's the love of a best friend. Someone who will hold you when you cannot stand. Someone who doesn't have to ask if something is wrong, they can just tell. This person is so in tune with you as you are of them, they can provide undiluted love.
Like love there are many different types if life...
You have life filled with joy and happiness.
Then at another moment your life is filled with disappointment and defeat
In the end though, you can not have one without the other.
The question still remains as to why?
This is a very good question, and stumps many.
However the answer stairs at us and laughs at out blindness.
In order to continue on and have the strength to push forward, we need faith.
Faith in the very simple since of knowing that there will always be better times.
When love hurts, life picks us up, and when life is bad love brings that warmth inside us.
Life & Love, Love & Life will forever be hand in hand
Crystal
June 25th 2010
Which ever it goes, you cannot have one without the other.
Life may feel like its always hovering near the end
But love always surfaces through the agony of life.
There's many different types of love
You have the slow building boil of love, that love tends to take us by surprise and move us deeply to the core
There is always the electrical charge that spread fire fast and feverishly through out us. This love is acute and undeniable
Then there's the love of a best friend. Someone who will hold you when you cannot stand. Someone who doesn't have to ask if something is wrong, they can just tell. This person is so in tune with you as you are of them, they can provide undiluted love.
Like love there are many different types if life...
You have life filled with joy and happiness.
Then at another moment your life is filled with disappointment and defeat
In the end though, you can not have one without the other.
The question still remains as to why?
This is a very good question, and stumps many.
However the answer stairs at us and laughs at out blindness.
In order to continue on and have the strength to push forward, we need faith.
Faith in the very simple since of knowing that there will always be better times.
When love hurts, life picks us up, and when life is bad love brings that warmth inside us.
Life & Love, Love & Life will forever be hand in hand
Crystal
June 25th 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Nightmare
Nightmare
The breath is sucked from my lungs
Ripping it wide open
Open and exposed, vulnerable to the darkness.
The inevitable lonely consumes me, and the raw edges of my exposed chest burn in pain.
My ears ring from a load screaming nose
My head spins as I try to locate this torturing sound
When, when will it come?
I pray for it now, begging for my re leaf, for total numbness to consume me.
My focus falters and the screaming stops..
My heart pounds so hard against my chest....
If it pounds any harder won't it fall out where my chest has already been ripped open?
But wait, the screaming is still gone? Just then it hits me, the screaming was me.
My eyes snap open, blinking through the river of salt flavored tears
Sweat sticks to my body and dampens my clothes...
My breath is fast and hard and barely chocking back the sobs that are trying to strangle me
Finally I am able to see, feel the comfort of my sheets shielding me
My breathing slowed and my lungs opened up.
Realizing it was just a dream.
Crystal
June 24th 2010
The breath is sucked from my lungs
Ripping it wide open
Open and exposed, vulnerable to the darkness.
The inevitable lonely consumes me, and the raw edges of my exposed chest burn in pain.
My ears ring from a load screaming nose
My head spins as I try to locate this torturing sound
When, when will it come?
I pray for it now, begging for my re leaf, for total numbness to consume me.
My focus falters and the screaming stops..
My heart pounds so hard against my chest....
If it pounds any harder won't it fall out where my chest has already been ripped open?
But wait, the screaming is still gone? Just then it hits me, the screaming was me.
My eyes snap open, blinking through the river of salt flavored tears
Sweat sticks to my body and dampens my clothes...
My breath is fast and hard and barely chocking back the sobs that are trying to strangle me
Finally I am able to see, feel the comfort of my sheets shielding me
My breathing slowed and my lungs opened up.
Realizing it was just a dream.
Crystal
June 24th 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Pulled in different directions
A friend of mine,(okay my best friend) once told me there were 5 stages to greif and sort of explained them to me.
1)Denial 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression 5)Acceptance
These stages could happen and any order, well except acceptance must come last, and they could happen more than one a time. YEAH, that's right, you could feel anger and depression at the same time!!!
Here is what I do not understand, in my case when you have to lay someone you cared about very much, how do these "stages" all fit in?
Denial- okay I understand this one, while my grandma was in the hospital the 11 days, I truly denied that she was really as bad as she was. So this one is a given.
Anger- I don't understand how you can feel anger during a time of lose. I feel emptiness, lonely, sad, depressed, and even a physical pain from longing for her. How could I be mad? And who would I be mad at? There is no one in this case other than my grandma to be mad at. She didn't die from a car crash, murder, or some other preventable thing. She passed away from pneumonia and ARDS/COPD.
Ohhh. . . guess its starting to hit me now, I guess I could be mad at the doctor for not being able to do more for her. Or even god, for taking her away, away to a better place....
Okay, I lied I still do not see how you can direct that anger towards anyone. I'm not saying I haven't felt Anger, I have . . . but it wasn't directed at anyone/thing. What an odd feeling. . .
3)Bargaining- Really? The experts on grief say this stages most likely happens before the actual loss. Sure during a divorce I can see how the time leading up to that you bargain or make deals/ sacrifices to save the marriage. But how does that apply to someone you lose so suddenly?
4) Depression- This one is the one I find to be the most true, at least in my case. Everyone asks "how are you, how are you holding up?" If I tell them I feel like shit, I cry all the time. Or how about the times when I feel so empty that I feel numb? I can not tell them about the nightmares. . .I relive the last 3 hours of her life, only I'm the one who is going through it. .
Yes depression feel like the most trustiest stage in this whole process.
5) Acceptance- I can not say much on this stage, I have not reached this one yet. I do not know how long it will take for me to get there, nor can i even try to guess. I know this is the stage my grandma would want me in, I just don't know when it will happen for me. .
Now what if I was grieving for the loss of ....oh lets say I was going through a divorce. You always hold a part of that love for someone in your heart. If time has pasted and you feel fine, for the most part. Only having a moments weakness and missing them to the point of a physical ache, can you say your still in this stage? Or must you never miss that person again?
Overall grief is the horrific pain anyone will ever have to deal with. . . I guess I can't even say "deal" with. . . How do you deal with it? How do you grieve? Do you just let your emotions run wild? Do you stop living? Do you hid? Or do you try to go on with life like nothing happened? This whole process to me is so confusing!! I feel as though my emotions are being pulled in different directions, its awful!!
Crystal
June 23rd 2010
1)Denial 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression 5)Acceptance
These stages could happen and any order, well except acceptance must come last, and they could happen more than one a time. YEAH, that's right, you could feel anger and depression at the same time!!!
Here is what I do not understand, in my case when you have to lay someone you cared about very much, how do these "stages" all fit in?
Denial- okay I understand this one, while my grandma was in the hospital the 11 days, I truly denied that she was really as bad as she was. So this one is a given.
Anger- I don't understand how you can feel anger during a time of lose. I feel emptiness, lonely, sad, depressed, and even a physical pain from longing for her. How could I be mad? And who would I be mad at? There is no one in this case other than my grandma to be mad at. She didn't die from a car crash, murder, or some other preventable thing. She passed away from pneumonia and ARDS/COPD.
Ohhh. . . guess its starting to hit me now, I guess I could be mad at the doctor for not being able to do more for her. Or even god, for taking her away, away to a better place....
Okay, I lied I still do not see how you can direct that anger towards anyone. I'm not saying I haven't felt Anger, I have . . . but it wasn't directed at anyone/thing. What an odd feeling. . .
3)Bargaining- Really? The experts on grief say this stages most likely happens before the actual loss. Sure during a divorce I can see how the time leading up to that you bargain or make deals/ sacrifices to save the marriage. But how does that apply to someone you lose so suddenly?
4) Depression- This one is the one I find to be the most true, at least in my case. Everyone asks "how are you, how are you holding up?" If I tell them I feel like shit, I cry all the time. Or how about the times when I feel so empty that I feel numb? I can not tell them about the nightmares. . .I relive the last 3 hours of her life, only I'm the one who is going through it. .
Yes depression feel like the most trustiest stage in this whole process.
5) Acceptance- I can not say much on this stage, I have not reached this one yet. I do not know how long it will take for me to get there, nor can i even try to guess. I know this is the stage my grandma would want me in, I just don't know when it will happen for me. .
Now what if I was grieving for the loss of ....oh lets say I was going through a divorce. You always hold a part of that love for someone in your heart. If time has pasted and you feel fine, for the most part. Only having a moments weakness and missing them to the point of a physical ache, can you say your still in this stage? Or must you never miss that person again?
Overall grief is the horrific pain anyone will ever have to deal with. . . I guess I can't even say "deal" with. . . How do you deal with it? How do you grieve? Do you just let your emotions run wild? Do you stop living? Do you hid? Or do you try to go on with life like nothing happened? This whole process to me is so confusing!! I feel as though my emotions are being pulled in different directions, its awful!!
Crystal
June 23rd 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
From Heaven
Many people have a MILLION different opinions about heaven. There are so many questions that no one can EVER answer.
*Is there really a heaven? What does it look like? Where is it? What about our bodies? Will we know each other still? Will it hurt to cross over? *
Most of the question about death and heaven are purely focused on the death portion and what we will feel. . . . . I have experienced that since grandma died, everyone try's to comfort me by saying "she is looking down on you, she is watching over you, she's is still with you...." I have had a lot of time to reflect on this and how it makes me feel. . . . .
I don't get the feeling that she is with me anymore at all. I will always have her memories, but she isn't with me. Nor do I truly believe that she "looks" down on us. I know this seems to give a lot of people comfort, but I just can not make myself believe that. I have never ever thought about this before grandma died, and its kind of a odd thing to think about. . .
But think about it. . . . . .
The world we live in is so utterly disgusting and corrupt!! Everywhere you look there is fear, pain, suffering, poverty, rap, murders, lies, adultery. . . . There is so much awful things in this world that it is over taking the good. You can't invite your new neighbor over for lunch anymore, you don't know if they are a murder or rapist.
We live in a world that is over taken by sin, it is truly hell on earth pretty much. Some may argue with me saying that there is happiness on earth. I feel that happiness is only the surface of what true happiness really is. How can you feel happy when so much bad is going on? Yes there are good things to. Those few good things in life is what keeps us moving forward and working hard.
HOWEVER, I believe our world is so awful so that when we pass and go to heaven, it can be absolutely PERFECT!! I mean perfect in the since that you do not understand pain or fear because it is not there. I feel like there can only be so much of something, so the universe has to balance itself out. So earth is awful so that our loved ones can finally be peaceful.
So I look at it this way, if grandma is in such a perfect place, why would she ever want to look down on us again? Imagine what she would see if she tried to look down on us. She wouldn't be able to get passed all the awfulness to see us. If you're in paradise why would you want to kill your buzz by looking at something so depressing?
I do get comfort by knowing that someday, I will see her again. For me this is an extended absence.
Crystal
June 13th, 2010
Many people have a MILLION different opinions about heaven. There are so many questions that no one can EVER answer.
*Is there really a heaven? What does it look like? Where is it? What about our bodies? Will we know each other still? Will it hurt to cross over? *
Most of the question about death and heaven are purely focused on the death portion and what we will feel. . . . . I have experienced that since grandma died, everyone try's to comfort me by saying "she is looking down on you, she is watching over you, she's is still with you...." I have had a lot of time to reflect on this and how it makes me feel. . . . .
I don't get the feeling that she is with me anymore at all. I will always have her memories, but she isn't with me. Nor do I truly believe that she "looks" down on us. I know this seems to give a lot of people comfort, but I just can not make myself believe that. I have never ever thought about this before grandma died, and its kind of a odd thing to think about. . .
But think about it. . . . . .
The world we live in is so utterly disgusting and corrupt!! Everywhere you look there is fear, pain, suffering, poverty, rap, murders, lies, adultery. . . . There is so much awful things in this world that it is over taking the good. You can't invite your new neighbor over for lunch anymore, you don't know if they are a murder or rapist.
We live in a world that is over taken by sin, it is truly hell on earth pretty much. Some may argue with me saying that there is happiness on earth. I feel that happiness is only the surface of what true happiness really is. How can you feel happy when so much bad is going on? Yes there are good things to. Those few good things in life is what keeps us moving forward and working hard.
HOWEVER, I believe our world is so awful so that when we pass and go to heaven, it can be absolutely PERFECT!! I mean perfect in the since that you do not understand pain or fear because it is not there. I feel like there can only be so much of something, so the universe has to balance itself out. So earth is awful so that our loved ones can finally be peaceful.
So I look at it this way, if grandma is in such a perfect place, why would she ever want to look down on us again? Imagine what she would see if she tried to look down on us. She wouldn't be able to get passed all the awfulness to see us. If you're in paradise why would you want to kill your buzz by looking at something so depressing?
I do get comfort by knowing that someday, I will see her again. For me this is an extended absence.
Crystal
June 13th, 2010
Grandma & Her Books
In reflection of today I have a little story I guess about grandma, well maybe not a "story" but a memory.
Today we had a BBQ down at my aunt and uncles. . . . Somehow we managed to get on the topic of grandma and her books. ..
Grandpa was eating chicken and decided to tell us about all the different times he has witnessed her "book experiences." When my grandma would read a book, she would literaly become the character. If there was something funny in the book, she would laugh until in tears!! And when we would try to ask her about it, she would take a deep breath and start to tell us about what happened in the book that was so funny, but she would only end up laughing even harder!!! Now because grandma was laughing so hard you couldn't help but bust up yourself!!
Then when a book was sad, she would cry and morn for the character. She was always so involved with her books.
We would buy the same book, and read it together and then stop and ask opinions about what was gonna happen next and what do you think so far? We did this with most of the Nicholas Sparks books.
Grandma loved romance novels, the dirtier they were the better she said LOL She was saucy!!
When my uncle took the books to goodwill that were my grandma's, we had a FULL truck load!! It was unbelievable. Most of those books she had read 3-4 times!! She really enjoyed it! I asked her why one day and she told me it allowed her to live many different experiences and lives. In a way I'm just like my grandma, I get VERY involved with the book just as she did. It's something that we had in common.
Crystal
June 13th, 2010
In reflection of today I have a little story I guess about grandma, well maybe not a "story" but a memory.
Today we had a BBQ down at my aunt and uncles. . . . Somehow we managed to get on the topic of grandma and her books. ..
Grandpa was eating chicken and decided to tell us about all the different times he has witnessed her "book experiences." When my grandma would read a book, she would literaly become the character. If there was something funny in the book, she would laugh until in tears!! And when we would try to ask her about it, she would take a deep breath and start to tell us about what happened in the book that was so funny, but she would only end up laughing even harder!!! Now because grandma was laughing so hard you couldn't help but bust up yourself!!
Then when a book was sad, she would cry and morn for the character. She was always so involved with her books.
We would buy the same book, and read it together and then stop and ask opinions about what was gonna happen next and what do you think so far? We did this with most of the Nicholas Sparks books.
Grandma loved romance novels, the dirtier they were the better she said LOL She was saucy!!
When my uncle took the books to goodwill that were my grandma's, we had a FULL truck load!! It was unbelievable. Most of those books she had read 3-4 times!! She really enjoyed it! I asked her why one day and she told me it allowed her to live many different experiences and lives. In a way I'm just like my grandma, I get VERY involved with the book just as she did. It's something that we had in common.
Crystal
June 13th, 2010
Learning to drive
In reflection of the day, I took my cousin to Salem today. We went shopping, which sucked!!
But that's not the story, she is 16 and has her drivers permit. So I let her drive and it completely brought back memories of grandma teaching me to drive.....
Grandma used to sit in the passenger seat and read her book the whole way!! I would ask "was i suppose to do that?" and she would tell me, " I dunno, were you?"
Or best yet, there is this hill you go over right before the Willamina exit and i would floor it and go over the hill at 90 mph so i could get that feeling in your tummy, and EVERYTIME she would look up from her book, smile and say, "It's your ticket."
I remember one time she got pulled over for speeding and she throw such a big fit!!! She just couldn't believe he would give an "old lady" a ticket. I tried to explain to her that going 70mph in a 45 was kind of a big deal...... LOL
June 12th 2010
In reflection of the day, I took my cousin to Salem today. We went shopping, which sucked!!
But that's not the story, she is 16 and has her drivers permit. So I let her drive and it completely brought back memories of grandma teaching me to drive.....
Grandma used to sit in the passenger seat and read her book the whole way!! I would ask "was i suppose to do that?" and she would tell me, " I dunno, were you?"
Or best yet, there is this hill you go over right before the Willamina exit and i would floor it and go over the hill at 90 mph so i could get that feeling in your tummy, and EVERYTIME she would look up from her book, smile and say, "It's your ticket."
I remember one time she got pulled over for speeding and she throw such a big fit!!! She just couldn't believe he would give an "old lady" a ticket. I tried to explain to her that going 70mph in a 45 was kind of a big deal...... LOL
June 12th 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tuck-N-Roll, as made famous by grandma!!
Everyone who knew my grandma knows she was famous for her "tuck-n-rolls" as she liked to call them!!
This is the story as to how she became famous for them. . . . .
It was a late summer afternoon, we had just had an amazing BBQ at my uncle's house. My grandma was VERY stubborn so she insisted on walking home instead of using her scooter....
So I'm following behind my teeny tiny grandma who know stood at 4'7ish....She is walk and strutting her stuff like there is no tomorrow.
( I'm carrying, in a class bowl, her famous potatoe salad) As I'm about to comment on her miss thing strut she throws her hands up in the air and lets out a little squeak!!!
She fully extends her arms straight up over head, throws her body forward through the air and kicks her feet out behind her. She looks like she is trying to fly like superman!!! As she gets closer to hitting the ground, (She wasn't that far off the ground in the first place, thank god)
she suddenly snapped into a tight like ball in the fetal position, tucked her chin down touching her chest and dove to the ground!!
She then proceeded to roll the rest of the way down the hill in her tight little ball!!! To my horror this all happened within seconds!! My first reaction was to get the potato salad out of my hands and run to her rescue!! As I throw the glass bowl down, not caring if it breaks I sprint off towards grandma laying there in the dark dust.
In panicking i try to assess her as I am running there, and she looks like she is crying. Which only makes my heart race even faster and makes me even more frightened!! As i approach her, I find her laying there on her back in tears from historically laughing!!
I look down at her and tell her not to move!! I am going to go get uncle Jeff to help me, she then stops laughing, looks at me VERY SERIOUSLY and says, "honey does it look like I'm going anywhere?"
As soon as we get my grandma up on her feet the first thing out of her mouth was, " Bloody Hell!!! My new white pants!!" Then looks at us smiling and continues on, "That was a pretty good tuck-n-roll if i say so myself, I could be a stunt double!"
Wrote by Crystal Glazebrook, on June 2nd, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Okay that's it!!!
I'm done I tell you!! My cousin called me FAT this weekend, and my Doctor came up to me and said how its been while since she seen me, was there anything I needed to tell her? And then asked, how far along i was!!!
Yes it is my fault that I have gained weight!! I am sick of feeling fat. So I am gonna do something about it.... As of right now I can't really exercise with school and work and only sleeping 4 hours a night.
So I'm going to do atleast 10min a night..I'm sure I'll be fine giving up that little amount of sleep.
It's been 7 days without soda and more water. I did have a soda while at the movies today and that was it. It's all about control and I can do it!! Besides, I know it would make grandma proud. I'll keep you posted!!
I'm done I tell you!! My cousin called me FAT this weekend, and my Doctor came up to me and said how its been while since she seen me, was there anything I needed to tell her? And then asked, how far along i was!!!
Yes it is my fault that I have gained weight!! I am sick of feeling fat. So I am gonna do something about it.... As of right now I can't really exercise with school and work and only sleeping 4 hours a night.
So I'm going to do atleast 10min a night..I'm sure I'll be fine giving up that little amount of sleep.
It's been 7 days without soda and more water. I did have a soda while at the movies today and that was it. It's all about control and I can do it!! Besides, I know it would make grandma proud. I'll keep you posted!!
Memorial Day 2010
May 31st 2010
Well to be honest it is about 12:30ish in the morning so I guess that makes this June 1st. Either way it doesn't matter much...
This morning I woke up to load gunshots going off at 8 am... I live across a cemetery and they were honoring the dead.. Before this specific memoral day, I never paid attention to it. I kind of thought it was for the fallen solders, I didn't know it was for anyone who has passed away.
So officially this is my first memorial day. I have decided this is the worst "holiday" ever!! This day should not be considered a holiday! It makes me sad to go and see how this is the one day a year that people go and visit their loved ones. Then they stack a whole pile of flowers wherever they fit to make up for not bringing them any other times of the year.
My grandma passed away on May 16, 2010. I promise, as long as I shall live, my grandma's grave site will never look that way! It makes me sick how people go on with life as if that person never died.
I don't know if my grieving right, I don't even know how to grieve, but going to the grave site and talking to my grandma helps a lot. I know she can't hear me, but it gives me comfort to talk to her and pray to god and ask for him to deliver the message. I don't blame her for not looking down on us, she is in a place where everything is perfect! Why would she want to look back down at this hell hole called Earth.
How do you grieve? Is is crying, being depressed, moving on with life...... how do you know when you can say "there I'm done grieving done." It just seems like a stupid concept to me. I have night terrors every night. Some night I have them more than others, 3-4 times a night. If it's a good night ill only have 1-2. It's a horrible thing to wake up completely covered in sweat, shaking and remembering the suffocating sound of gma dieing. When ever these night terrors happen, i cant get the image of her waking up on the ventilator, confused and scared. She would shake her head and kick her legs and cry! Tears would just fall down her cheek and there was nothing I could do to help her! By time I wake up I am sobbing and my chest hurts so bad, my throat feels as though it is closing, or maybe like something is stuck in it, either way my throat burns. Would you say that is grieving? Ya I really don't think so.
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